Chasing away

I was stupid, of course not a new discovery for me;
The unfathomable extent, as I rightly failed to see,
And it continues to play hide and seek,
The sanctuary too abstruse, and as usual my chances are bleak.
Usual stuff, never been a joyous ride;
Probability and me, hard to go side by side.
Seeking exhausted, and now I have nowhere to hide--
The law of my land, which painfully I always abide.

Breaking free, my chance for redemption passing by;
Stay back, oh goodness, let me still live my lie.
It has taken me places, all I can remember now
Into the darkness, into the abyss, and into places of secrecy I vow
And I believed it, imprudence knew no bound
I know you judge me, but you're fun to be around.
It's this dichotomy, the wishful thinking I chase,
As the last flicker of hope dissolves into eternal haze.